I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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