Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I fill condoms, not promises.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
