Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Boobs are out for the taking
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize