Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
