i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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