How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize