Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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