I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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