paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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