(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
