I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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