I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize