matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
