i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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