id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
