the condom got lost in my hair
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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