I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
