its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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