I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I smell stomach acid.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize