i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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