I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
