did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
