Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
