You're a womanizer and a bitch.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
