just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
