I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
