M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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