i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
