If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
