I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
