I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
