All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
