He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
