dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
