Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
