when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
