we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
