she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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