My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
