I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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