didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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