If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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