I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
