hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
