Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Sorry my hands just texted you
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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