whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
