i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize