Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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