i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
