1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
