I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
