OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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