BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
