Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize