I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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