I wish my penis had an off switch
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
