I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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