IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
