Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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