Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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