She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
