if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
