I don't remember. Are we still dating?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
