is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
