Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
