p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
