I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
