i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize