You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
