Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The uberlube is also flammable
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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