i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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