i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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