it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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