1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
