omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I will be naked everywhere
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
