who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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