I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
