Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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