Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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